Most of us have had the sad experience of dealing with someone who has no interest in replacing the cap that the rest of us believe belongs screwed back on the toothpaste. These individuals regard our concern as fastidious and evidence, more than likely, of Obsessive-Compulsive behavior (a so-called “disorder” — “OCD”), or worse. Our mental health, they imagine, varies inversely with the firmness with which we screw this cap back on. They are proud of how they’ve helped some like us and remain on the lookout for those who use pliers (Pliers-Using Nuts, “PUNs”— sent to therapy) or a wrench (“WUs” — admitted to psych ward).
They themselves? “Laid back.” “Easy going.” For sure.
The offending party may be one we are living with, traveling with or just dating. It can also be a friend or out-of-town guest we are accommodating at our own homes.
Puzzlingly, researchers found only a 10% positive correlation between Toothpaste Top-Squeezers (“TTS”) and cap-offers (“COs”). Psychologists speculated that COs had Other Issues (“OI”).
Correlation with how these people hug you. Unsurprisingly, it was reported that male TTS-types have a 33% inclination to squeeze women around the shoulders rather than around the back, waist or lower whereas the male control group reported only a 21% inclination and the mixed control group, as expected, only 13%. Well, that should clear things up… Ass Grabbers of all persuasions were excluded in the interests of better hygiene.
© Jerry Kurtz 2014
